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Lessons on How Not to Skip Vacation Plans, by Cyrus Broacha

Satish Velinej

Satheesh Vellinezhi Photo credit: Satheesh Vellinezhi

There’s no running away; I have to be brutally honest. No, I’m not talking about taxes or death here. In both cases, there are loopholes that mean the chances of escape are odd. I’m talking about the one thing a family man can’t escape. (By the way, Manoj Bajpayee is not the only one Family-oriented (man) person. In fact, there are many types of family men, but they all have one thing in common that they cannot escape). This thing, this phenomenon, is called “pure anxiety” in Latin, but you may be more familiar with the modern Gallic phrase “family holiday.”

Let’s face it, a family man will forget anniversaries, birthdays, doctor’s appointments, but never forget the looming presence of that big, abominable snowman family vacation! In fact, in the past, I’ve used my Kautilya-like cunning mind (rest assured, I dress like him on weekends too) to try to plan vacations around my wife’s birthday. You know the Chinese saying I heard on my honeymoon in Paris: “The enemy of my enemy is my friend.” I thought I would use my birthday to ruin the holiday, my exact words were “How can we be in Dubai on your birthday?” However, checkmate. She loved the idea and not only did we continue to celebrate the festival during these days, but we celebrated birthdays with more enthusiasm, pomp and splendor, bearing in mind that it was priced at 18 rupees to 1 dirham.

I have countless stories of the holidays teasing and ridiculing me. Luckily I don’t remember them or this column would never have ended. Now, like good kids, let’s get back to the present. To nip this situation in the bud, I called up a friendly travel agent near me and asked him four basic, basic and downright necessary questions. I won’t write about all four questions here, for two reasons. First of all, I don’t remember the question. Second, all four questions contain the same word or an extension of the same word. One word is “cheap”.

As an exercise in futility, I ask you to get out a pen and paper and write down four questions about your vacation spot. In each one, use one of these four words: “cheaper, cheaper, cheapest, or even cheaper”. Although this exercise is fun, it usually doesn’t produce the desired results. This is mainly because of the courts. No, no, let me correct that. This is because many families have an appeals system in place. The plaintiff, the husband, and in this case, me, filed suit in the small court, the younger child, was reprimanded, and then directed more reprimands to the older child. Older kids are like a high court. Finally, at the Supreme Court, the wife, of course, is the embodiment of rebuke.

It’s a long story, and if it gets any longer, my opinions and thoughts will be left by the wayside. Holiday committee takes over. The committee is made up of a privileged group called everyone, everywhere, including Facebook, but not me. By the time you read this, I will already be in Bali. (The last one is me wrapped in a towel on the beach). I shouldn’t complain, I’ll be surrounded by my three favorite things – heat, bills and humans in cheap shoes. Do you see that the word cheap always appears to make fun of me? If anyone has a way to avoid these holidays please write to the tag Cheap family man, co hinduism newspaper.

The writer dedicated his life to communism. Although only on weekends.

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